The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas rather than as rules. Key goals of a first date are to a see if you have a connection, and b find out if you and your date have any major areas of incompatibility. Ideas for First Date Questions.
Select a few of these questions rather than attempt to ask them all on the same first date!
What sort of vacations do you like to take? Different vacation preferences or amounts of vacation time can be a major source of ongoing incompatibility. For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time. How was your day?
Come Follow Me!
This question helps establish if your date has a positive or negative attitude? If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining you'll know the person sees the glass as half empty. Tell me about your friends? Are you a dog person, a cat person, or neither?
If one of you doesn't like pets and the other has 3 dogs, that's likely to be a problem. What do you like to do in your free time? Helps you find out the person's preferences and also helps you establish if the person has any free time or if they're a workaholic. Is there anything you're really passionate about? Does the person have strong feelings or are they more easygoing and with milder feelings.
Do you like your job? Is the person about to make any major life changes e. What's their attitude to their work? Do they see it as a job, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder?
Are you a morning or a night person? This is primarily relevant if you're either an extreme night or an extreme morning person. Would you like a bite of my dish? On a first date go for a friendly tone rather than an intimate tone when asking this question. Is it too noisy in here for you? This shows you're considerate of other people's comfort. Who do you live with? If they still live with their Mom or they live with 10 roommates, this tells you something about how they like to live.
Are you close to your family? Or, tell me who's in your family? Are they very involved with their family of origin? Is this something that appeals to you or not? Are their family intrusive? Do they have a lot of family conflict? Is there anything you don't eat? Helps you plan future dates but also gives you an opportunity to choose not to pursue dating someone who has very incompatible food preferences from you. You likely have a preference one way or the other.
Do you collect anything? Do they spend a lot of money or time collecting something? How do you feel about Whatever you're really passionate about, do they respect it? Have you seen any good movies or TV shows lately? This might not be important to you, but it might be. Have you been to any good restaurants recently? Tells you something about whether they seek out new experiences.
What are your thoughts about the upcoming election any upcoming election? The main point here is not to jump to assumptions about your date's politics. If you jump to an assumption that they have the same politics as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different. Are you dating anyone else at the moment?
MORE: 7 Ways to Turn Your Hookup Into a Boyfriend
To take some of the pressure off during first dates, remind yourself: If you try to be too careful with what you say, this is likely to backfire. The answers to the above questions aren't necessarily deal breakers. However it's good to know what you're getting yourself in for before you start to get attached to someone.
Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. So we're huge fans of any approach that manages to cut through all that B.
For example, many years ago -- before we each found lasting love, against those game-playing odds -- Lo conducted a sort of social-romantic experiment: When a friend introduced her to a guy who seemed very nice and whom she was instantly attracted to, she asked him if he'd like to be her boyfriend. Standard protocol would have had her flirt with him and wait for him to buy her a drink and then pretend to be just a little bit interested and he would do the same and so on until maybe they'd manage to "hang out" a few times and perhaps, eventually, stumble into a real relationship.
Instead, she asked him if he'd like to cut through all the crap and immediately go steady, kind of like kids do in grade school, before they learn how to save face. The hand-holding in public was immediate, as was the soul bearing.
The relationship lasted only a month or two, but it was healthy and full of honest communication, and when they parted ways, it was as friends. Em accidentally conducted a similar experiment a decade ago: After Em had two great dates with a guy, the two of us Em and Lo had to fly to England for nearly a month, on a book tour for the U.
Except it didn't feel like a third date So they naturally, mutually, without really discussing anything, just skipped all the are-we-really-into-each-other nonsense of those first unsteady weeks. She was able to leap-frog her bad habit of being attracted to guys who just weren't into her, and he was able to leap-frog the male version of this. And, reader, she married him. We found a third example of this kind of "speed mating" in the Modern Love column of the Times this past week: During a first date with a guy she'd kind of known for a while, the author had one of those flirty-theoretical conversations about whether it was possible to fall in love with anyone.
It's the kind of conversation that's possible to have on a first date, because you're basically strangers, but then you can't really talk about that stuff again until you're in a very serious relationship. The author, Mandy Len Catron, recalled a scientific study she'd once read about, wherein a researcher put two complete strangers in a lab, had them ask each other a series of increasingly intimate questions -- thirty-six, in all -- and then had them stare into each other's eyes for four minutes.
One of the couples in the study ended up marrying yes, the researcher scored an invite! Mandy and her date decided to replicate the experiment, except in a bar. They found the list of questions online and passed an iPhone back and forth between them who said smart phones are killing romance?! Reader, they fell in love.
Get To Know Me
Of course, this experiment isn't going to work with any random stranger you pluck out of your morning commute. But on a first date, where chemistry and at least a little mutual interest has already been established, we like it a lot more than all of that crappy, heartbreaking game-playing. Plus, it's a great way to weed out selfish, one-track-minded pickup artists before you get in too deep. As the author says: But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action.
It assumes that what matters to my partner matters to me because we have at least three things in common, because we have close relationships with our mothers, and because he let me look at him. If you want to try it yourself, here are all 36 of Dr. You should take it in turns, each answering all 36 questions. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? Would you like to be famous? Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you? When did you last sing to yourself? If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
40 First Date Questions That Always Work
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time?
Why haven't you done it? What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?